Freedom, Las Vegas.
The title has very little to do with the contents of today’s daily. But freedom rocks, and so does LV. VD, not so much. Hi, I’m EPL and welcome to the blog!
As promised in yesterdays long daily, I’m going to post another poem with some commentary, bolt and italics, respectively. I’ll tell you all about the ABZG meeting tomorrow (the stuff that’s not classified, anyways), and the next day, I’m moving my assets to the lovely city of Leuven, because university wants me to learn more psychology thingies. I might not be able to post, but I’ll do my very best. Promise. But, it’s shorter daily time again, until I get my proverbial ass in the proverbial right place.
Or was it head? Ah, no difference there, really…
Got to hurry this up, only twelve more minutes until I miss today and post tomorrow. So now, it’s poetry time!
the sun is shining through my window,
i open my eyes and look out,
its springing, there’s birds singing,
outside is a small child swinging,
i look out and stare at its beauty,
because that is as far is i can get,
i can’t return to the life i once had.
that one is gone and away.
so i’m staying here in the fray.
i can’t get back on the road again,
can’t see places where i’ve never been,
seeing things that i might never see again.
So here i sit,inside my little box,
with nothing to do then sit and look,
another beautifull day has gone by,
without me to enjoy it, makes me want to cry,
sometimes i wished i could fly away,
to a place where problems wouldn’t be,
but i know that there is not such place,
because that is not like me.
i am a guy who’s life got turned upside down,
and i don’t know how to put back the broken pieces.
Some call it bad luck, some call it fate.
i don’t know what it is, but this is something to hate.
I have been given a blessing,
and with it givin a curse,
i shall do like fate would have it,
i will not fight, nor i shall resist.
May the things that have to be done happen,
But spare the rest, and take it out on only me,
i choose to carry this burden,
i will carry it until they put me into my grave.
i cherish the ones i love,
i hold them close, they mean a lot to me,
that’s why i feel like making a distance,
because i still remember:
The winner takes all,
It’s the thrill of one more kill,
The last one to fall,
Will never sacrifice their will.
you know i will always carry you in my heart,
knowing that you all are safe,
and when i know that, its doesn’t feel bad anymore,
i’m happy to make you all happy,
knowing you all have a care free life.
someone should carry this,
might aswell be me,
knowing you all are fine,
makes me feel free.
feeling trapped and free at the same time,
feels strange but it feels fine.
a trusting feeling surrounds me,
because..you all are free.
I’m going to have to read this one a second time, though, will edit when I’m ready =)
Edit:
It IS a very strong poem, maybe not always in the most fitting ways, but extremely strong.
It starts of very typical, a comfortable feeling, but then, immediately a feeling of suffering is announced. You run with that thought and give us a glance into where it’s coming from, the omnipresent background in most of your work I’ve read so far, the grave feeling of a loss. What gives this one a deeper level is the next layer, on first sight is seems like it is only a loss, but then it will hit you like a slowly moving brick, the loss is final, there is no hope for gain. A downward spiral of misery begins to unfold itself. What is left encumbers you so greatly, the burden is to heavy to take with, and so you are forced to solitude, unable to move, unable to live. You are, but cannot become. And you have taken comfort in this, accepted your fate, no need to build false ideals, no need to cling to false hope, there is no escape available. And still, a certain pugnacious personality lives within you. This personality only rarely lets itself know, but is clearly there. Though your mind knows and accepts your burden, this one still rejects it and wishes to fight it ’till the end.
Toward the end of the poem, we are placed, all of a sudden, in a total different sphere. It is as if you are thinking over what you’ve achieved, and who you knew, as if all of that lies already in the past, we are transported from the combat between the two personalities and their life to their postmortem scenery. As if you are looking through the window, but are standing on the opposite side of where we are, just about to turn your back and leave for good, comforting both us and your inner self. We get to begin understanding that it’s good, that it’s not another loss but a gain, that we and you now exist, and life our existence out in peace. It’s a very southing end, it feels like a goodbye, but after all of the emotion we had to endure throughout the poem, it comes as a satisfying relief. I get a vision of a man holding his hands to the glass, smiling, an linking eyes with his loved ones, then turning away, taking his hand of the glass only when he is to far away, and walking on into the darkness, his friends watching him, holding hands, at peace.
And that’s why I feel this poem is so strong, after all the emotions literally shot at us (<– pun intended), the rage, the sadness, the dieing hope, the fierceness, in the end, there is an overpowering sense of overall peace and calmness. It certainly has a reflective attribute to it, and I would say even a meditative atmosphere surrounding it. There is a lot of depth in this and I’m sure I’ve only just nicked the tip of the iceberg. A remarkable achievement.
That’s what I got out of it, feel free to comment, add, discuss 
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